Fur Scented Candles
by sugarandsalt
Summary: My 1st story on this site! What happens when Tobi decides to share with Deidara one of his dearest hobbies? Prepare to laugh. 1st person Deidara; Dei/Tobi; Cracky fluff


**My 1****st**** story published to FanFiction!!!! (puts a milestone down on the sidewalk) Chyeah boi! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Johnny on the Spots. I also am NOT the person responsible for the existence of beavers. Get it? Got it? Good. (Busy Beevers was my idea though.)**

**This story was originally going to be a one shot Sasu/Naru and it would be Naruto at a ramen expo, but I thought otherwise. You should know I do that often. So I changed the whole thing. It is now told in first person by Deidara and it centers around Tobi and his childish antics. I also changed the subject of the expo. And the end product? A piece of butt-Crack Akatsuki fiction. Reviews and suggestions get you a free popsicle! Flames will melt your popsicle. I'm not stopping those though.**

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Someone should have informed me that this event was retard-exclusive, or I wouldn't have bothered to show my face. But here I am.

Trapped.

Even if the invite stated that beforehand, Tobi would have dragged me here anyway. It was that or no sex for a week. Even I have my limits. But this by far surpasses them. Also, according to Tobi, the only people who could pet and hold the beavers were the Busy Beevers Fanclub (Yes, that's how they spell it.) members who belonged to the club for more than one year. And apparently that's supposed to be the best thing that could possibly happen to a beaver lover (which I am not). I actually was contemplating shaping beavers out of my clay, just so I could watch them explode into oblivion. That's a comforting thought.

It's like my life is only good enough to hang around places like this. You tell me the last time you went to or much less have even heard of a beaver expo. I thought so.

Tobi is grasping my hand like there is no tomorrow and dragging me around booth after booth, giggling incessantly. Earlier, he won 100 dollars worth of beaver couch covers. Gag me. And that's probably what I and the rest of Akatsuki are going to end up lounging on. Hopefully one day I'll be so disgusted that I'll puke on them. If not me, Hidan definately. That day would come soon. I was certain. Though I hope it will be me, cause my vomit isn't as disgusting to me as someone else's. You know what I mean.

"Oh Deidara, look at that sign! It's got over 50 different types of beavers! After we read it, we can buy postcards!"

'_Do something. Un…'_

"Do you need to go to the restroom first?"

"Now that you mention it…"

Tobi rubbed his stomach as his brows bent in confusion.

"Yeah, come on!"

He led me to the Johnny on the Spots situated on the outside of the beaver bumper stickers stand. Tobi handed me his trash bag filled with beaver merchandise and hurried into the stall. I reached in the bag and took out a coloring book. The first page showed a mossy log with a beaver sitting on it and giving a thumbs up. I scoffed and trashed the thing. I'm too evil for this.

A man/woman/complete moron stepped out of the stall near Tobi's and was dressed in a Buster Beaver mascot suit. The mascot handed me a pair of plastic chopsticks with little beavers on the top.

I glared at the complete moron and broke the sticks in half and scattered the remains at the mascot's feet. The loser let out a yelp and ran away from me. I smirked. While he ran away, I couldn't help but wonder where the funding for this event came from.

Tobi emerged from the bathroom about 20 minutes later. Now I'm glad I reminded the idiot so I don't have to worry about plunging toilets later. I don't plumb. Ever.

Tobi set his eyes on a beaver scented candle stand. He motioned me to come over to it with him.

"Deidara, we should buy wet beaver fur scents, you know…to set the mood next time we…you know…"

Oh. Heeell. No.

"Tobi, don't you feel that's a bit much, un?"

"…No."

_'Of course he doesn't Deidara. Why'd you ask him? The fact that you are at an event completely devoted to beavers already proves that Tobi doesn't believe in too much of a good thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?'_

Sometimes I wish my brain was half as quiet as my 4 mouths.

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**And there you have it! I've got another Akatsuki related story in the workings and I hope to finish it soon, I just need inspiration. (Usually it comes to me while I'm on the can.) Thanks for reading my first work on this site! holds up a box of popsicles Review...**


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